


search just to find

by DJ_Rocca_87



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 14:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2232588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJ_Rocca_87/pseuds/DJ_Rocca_87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking in the mirror, he sees hatred and anger, the light he had was gone, it's up to Clara to show him it still remains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	search just to find

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I do not own Doctor Who, I'm just playing in the sandbox.  
> Beta: Craftysquidz/Ally  
> Author Note: Reviews and Kudos are lovely and I do have more 12 and Clara works coming.

I fall to the floor from your love  
I am weakened by your innocence  
and touched by your tenderness  
I search just to find that you're enough  
I'm here, call on me  
everything, you and me  
every moment I think of you is...(every thought that shatters)  
-Wake Up by Earshot

He wasn’t oblivious to the stares he drew as he walked beside Clara. He wasn’t deaf to the whispers and gossip that trailed them. Sitting in the wardrobe with mirrors all around him, the Doctor stared at his reflection. He seemed to be glaring. It wasn’t intentional- perhaps that was just this face’s default expression. He stepped closer to the glass. Each wrinkle, each line came under his scrutiny. 

“Doctor,” came Clara’s voice. “What are you doing?” 

He opened his mouth, the self loathing in his voice blatantly ringing around them. “Coming to see how such a withered old man looks in better lighting.” 

There was a soft shove of her hands against his back. “Oi! You’re not withered.” 

He didn’t look at her, muttering, “But I’m old, Clara, too old. Do you not hear what they say when we are out together? They assume I’m your father, or your granddad.” 

Clara’s arms came around him, her palms laying flat on his middle. He could feel her head resting against his back, leaning into him. With a smile she asked, “Shall I start being more affectionate?” 

“No, no!” The Doctor insisted sharply, spinning around and capturing her face between his palms. “Please, don’t.” 

“Why not? Doctor, I’m not ashamed of us.” 

He sighed. “It doesn’t matter, Clara. Humans are cruel and can ruin even the best reputations. I don’t want to ruin anything in your normal life.” She smiled up at the Doctor, blinking her big brown eyes at him. 

“Listen closely, Doctor. I don’t care what people say. I don’t care what you look like. I love you- all of you.” She placed her hand on his upper arm, gently prompting, “Come now, look in the mirror again.” 

He sagged in defeat and turned to face his reflection. Clara spied a stool nearby and dragged it over, sitting him down so he wouldn’t have to keep stooping down to her level. Her hands came to his face, fingers stroking down his cheeks. 

“I see silver hair. Silver is a lovely color. It looks good on you. Each line of your face is a sign of all you’ve been through.” Clara smiled softly. 

“Your eyes, those blue eyes of yours...you can peer so deeply into my soul that I feel bare. But in those times, the rare moments when you smile, I see how much youth is in you. “You’ve just started your life again. Embrace every moment. Your appearance only shows that you are not one to be trifled with. It shows you are an experienced and powerful man. When I see you, Doctor, I see you not as the withered man you see yourself as, but as a pillar of infallible strength.”

He laughed. “I don’t know how you see all that.”

The Doctor stilled as she pressed her lips to his cheek. “It’s what I’ve always seen. Your skin is still so soft,” Clara murmured, distracting him with her caress. 

His breath hitched at the contact and he raggedly whispered her name. “Why? Why are you so good to me?”

In the mirror he could see Clara’s sweet smile. “You are the most important person to me and I cannot stand to see you this way. You’re beautiful. You’re strength. You’re a protector. What more do I have to do?”

“Start going gray?” 

She giggled, then stood up, tugging him with her. She wrapped him in a hug so tight, he swore she was trying to merge with him. (Mind you, it wouldn't be the first time that happened- but that was not a pleasant memory.)

As she sighed and buried her face into his chest further, the Doctor clung to her. "My girl, my beautiful Clara. What would I do without you? You give me the strength to carry on."

"Don’t think about that. Stay with me in this moment. And in this moment, I need you to love who you’ve become.”

He shook his head. “I was until now. Perhaps I should have taken lessons from the Sisterhood of Karn.” 

“What?” She blinked at him.

“What?” He blinked owlishly back.

Clara laughed. "Mad as ever, I see." He felt her hands travel down to his waist. "Now undress. I need you to love all of you." 

"No!" The Doctor sputtered. "What's that going to prove?"

"Self love?" Clara asked, her tiny fingers tugging at his trousers. "Besides, you've seen me naked.” She smirked. “Now I get to see you naked." 

"You saw me naked."

She laughed, eyes dancing with mirth. "I want to see the new you. All of you. Come on now." 

He tried to protest but she was still fiddling with his pants, pulling his shirt up. With a roll of his eyes he batted away her hands and began to undress. 

Clara seemed all too delighted as his flesh came into view. Soon he was bare in front of her. 

"Happy?" 

She smiled, stepping away so he was seeing just himself in the mirror. Clara purred, "You're so handsome. With such a strong body..." He tried to ignore the rise of desire in her voice.

"Still an old man with an old body." 

Her fingers skimmed from his side, up his back and to his shoulders. 

"Oh Doctor," she sighed wearily. "You're still beautiful. Still strong. Why don't you see it? Here you have nothing to hide behind. You are bare and yet you cannot see what I see. You wanted me to see you, well, I see you, I accept you and I love you.”

"I'm sorry." His whisper was barely heard, but she could easily detect the pain in his tone. "It's hard, Clara. So hard." 

Coming around him, she got up on her toes and lightly pressed her lips to his. It was a tender, soft, imploring kiss. 

"I'll just have to help make it easier then." 

Trailing her lips from his, she kissed along his jaw until she got to his neck. As her lips grazed the skin above his pulse point he breathed, "You're definitely making it easier."

Clara chuckled. "I can see that," she assured him. Slowly he found his hands trailing over her back, hastily removing her dress. 

When she was as bare as he was, he wrapped his arms around her and surrendered to her whims. Pulling her closer, the Doctor let out a soft moan. "Clara." He didn't know if it was a plea to stop or a whimper to continue. 

"My Doctor. My love." She kissed him again, leaning hard against him. His nails scraped over her hips and she ground herself against him. Her eyes were dark with lust.

Breaking the kiss, Clara bit her lip, enjoying the friction they were creating. “I love you,” she murmured.

He lowered her to the floor and she blinked up at him, looking so sweet and innocent. Her smile was radiant as she skimmed her fingers over his arms. As their eyes met he gave himself into the sensation of being inside her. He allowed himself to become lost in her, all of her emotions flooding into him. It was a pure telepathic connection, heightening the pleasure and love that surrounded him. 

Through the connection, he could see himself over her, feel her completeness in this moment. He could finally see through her eyes, what she meant. He could see the power in his features, the strength of his body, the passion he had for her, for life.

Tucking his teeth between his lips, he bit down hard, too hard. For a moment all concentration broke and the fantasy he had been so entranced in fell away. 

Instead of on the floor in the wardrobe, he was seated in a comfy chair the TARDIS had given him. He had been studying his new-old body in the mirror and trying to do anything to make himself love it as much as he could. Clara’s voice suddenly being too close to comfort broke the spell and he lurched for a nearby robe as she walked in.

Just in the nick of time he managed covered himself with a dressing gown, but there was no way to hide what he was doing. Clara’s surprised face sent shame through him. The Doctor expected her to turn and go like she had seen nothing but she didn’t move. Instead she smiled, leaning against the door frame of the new wardrobe. 

“Well then,” she said finally. 

“I-I-I-”

She snickered. “All those I’s, such an ego on you. Just checking that everything still works?” Her voice was gentle, teasing. 

His face flushed. “I-yes...I’m trying...it’s hard-”

“I’d say.”

“CLARA!” He snapped and she just smiled. For all his thunder, she held no fear. 

With a sigh, he dropped his voice. “Clara, I am...trying to accept the change. It’s new for me too. This is who I am now and I’m trying to accept it as much as you are.” 

She was quiet for a moment before urging, “Continue, Doctor. Finish.”

He stared at her as if she had grown another head. “But you-”

“Curiosity killed the cat,” she interrupted. “I want to see.” 

Shooting her a horrified look, he refused to move. “No. God, with the rate things have been going, who knows what may happen!”

Clara winked. “I’d hope for the usual.” 

Entering the room, she walked up behind the chair, putting her hands on his shoulders. When he tensed a soft sigh left Clara and she gently began to rub his shoulders. Despite himself, he felt his body begin to relax and enjoy her touch. 

“Clara, I’d rather remain covered, if you don’t mind. I’m touched that you are accepting of my new form-”

“You’re the one that’s touched.” 

“Honest to Rassilon, Clara, I do not know what I’m going to do with you right now.” He sighed, staring up at her. 

A cheeky grin lit her face. “Doctor, go ahead and continue. I’m staying.” Changing tactics, she told him, “Look at yourself. See how beautiful you are.” 

Her tone had dropped to a croon as she nuzzled his face with hers. Her lips touched his cheek and his pulse began to race again. “Look in the mirror.” She directed. 

Lifting his eyes, he gazed in the mirror, his own fantasy flashing back to him. Her fingers moving brought his focus back to now, as the trailed down the skin that was visible. The Doctor felt his will weakening. It seemed she was keen on him continuing and finishing what he started. 

“Clara,” he whispered and finally gave in, beginning to stroke himself once more. 

The Doctor’s eyes were locked on the mirror, not watching himself but her. He saw her little pink tongue dart out and wet her lips. It seemed she was actually enjoying the sight before her. His cock responded to her focus and attention; knowing she was encouraging him to do this was apparently enough to make his blood race again. 

His hand was wrapped firmly around himself, pumping his shaft. The Doctor realized his fingers were longer this time. Strong and nimble. Even though it was covered by the fabric he could tell his shaft was different too. He didn’t want to see how different, since he was too wrapped up in his fantasy earlier to recall and didn’t want to scare Clara off. Though from the sounds of it, Clara was content either way. She was still purring words of encouragement in his ear. Those soft, small hands of hers were wandering over his exposed flesh, making him shiver.

For the first time since he regenerated, he felt...good. He would say normal but he hardly masturbated in front of anyone, especially companions. The Doctor knew that given how bossy Clara was, he couldn’t even deny her this. She moved behind him, pressing her lips against his neck and breathing against his skin. “Doctor,” she sang softly, and he bit his lip again. 

Bucking his hips, he pumped harder. A soft groan escaped him as his thumb grazed the head of his cock.

"That's it," she murmured. "So handsome, so new..." 

Licking his lips, he stroked faster. Ecstasy was building within him, feeling as new as he was. As Clara's lips lightly touched his neck he shuddered with pleasure, thrusting up into his hand. 

"Clara, please..." he rasped out. 

When her tongue grazed his skin the warm, wet heat triggered something in him. He swore and she giggled and did it again. This time, however, she pressed her teeth into his neck gently, sending him hurtling over the edge. 

Her breathing heavy in his ear, the Doctor stroked himself harder and faster he came. He shouted her name, his climax covered by the robe. The Doctor remained tense for a few moments before his body sagged into the chair and he sighed. 

Clara kissed his temple, nuzzling him gently. "That's my Doctor," she chuckled. "Feel better?" 

"I think so,” he replied. “Honestly, I expected my head to blow up or something." 

"Oh Doctor..." Clara shook her head teasingly. "Just clean up and join me in the library, yeah?" 

The Doctor gazed at her with tired eyes. "Alright." As she turned to leave, he found himself still speaking. "Thank you for helping me...I-"

Clara grinned. "Say no more, Doctor. Just know I am here for you.” Her soft brown eyes were full of love as she continued. “I've already started to love you, now it's your turn to love yourself. I'm sure that helped, but know I'm not sorry for how I acted." 

"Thank you." he breathed. 

Looking to the mirror again, he saw his lithe form sagging in the soft chair. The orgasm was fading slowly, with its warmth humming in his veins. Taking a deep breath, he sighed softly. It had been so long since he knew bliss that it seemed almost too good for him. 

He caught Clara staring at him on her way out the door, lip between her teeth. He wondered what was going through her mischievous little mind but was too tired to stand. 

“Maybe I am an old man,” he mused softly, allowing himself to drift to sleep. Clara smiled tenderly, leaving him to it.

“Sweet dreams, Doctor.”


End file.
